Hollow Peter Parker Quest Redux
by solodark
Summary: Funny crap following 'Peter Parker Quest' and 'Hollow Quest Redux'.
1. Enter Risa Schrodinger

**Disclaimer:**This one-shot crossover is from two ongoing Quests right now from both **'Peter Parker Quest'** by Cosgrove and **'Hollow Quest Redux'** by Azure. If you want to be kept updated on days where you can join their quest than follow them on twitter also you can catch up to their previous adventures in their quest by following the archives which you can immediately find by typing the quest in Google. This is basically a one-shot(or two-shot?) or will last longer depending if both writers decide to do more of these chapters in the near future. This story is not meant to be taken seriously, it's only Just for laughs. There will be some mild language and weird scenes, I will not elaborate more on this, read at your own risk and sanity.

**Publisher's Note:** For those currently reading **'Peter Parker Quest' **from **My Stories **in my **Profile**, these one-shots take place after chapter 46.

Now please enjoy

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**Hollow Peter Parker Quest Redux**

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**CHAPTER 1**

**Enter Risa Schrodinger**

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**Last time-** _Who's last time ours or? Whatever. Last time Peter started making a suit! It was pretty damn rad all things being honest though the lack of lasers was very troubling. He saw a black spider-man on the news doing spider-man things and felt it was, as a whole, very intimidating._

_But not, like, in a racist way or anything._

_Then peter slept a lot. There, 100% up to date._

You are Risa Schrodinger, and you are currently asleep in someone else's bed. I wish I could say that this was an uncommon occurrence, Goldilocks, but you are pretty used to waking up in stranger's beds. You give a disgruntled swat to the air at the accurate assessment of your personal value and move a long nailed hand over to swat at an alarm clock. You grumble something disingenuous about toasters and rise, your body cracking and popping as your shapeshifting performs an easily more impressive version of stretching.

You rub your tongue along your teeth and look around the room. A single bed, some posters, a mess of clothes. You smell the air and process the scents. Sweat, bloody, oysters, junk food, hormones. A teenaged boy's room, you mentally correct yourself. You rummage through the unknown persons stuff and find his wallet. He is broke, bastard, but you manage to get a picture of him from his ID. "Peter Benjamin Parker. Looks sort of like a nerd." You nod pocketing it. Wait, why do I know that name?

"Peter? If you want to get some breakfast come on down." A woman calls from downstairs.

Food.

Your body cracks, pops, and shifts as you use the stolen image to your liking. Where before there was a 20 something, plus thirty or so years dead woman now stands a seventeen year old boy. You have no context for the voice, but it should probably be fine. Just claim you have a cold. Colds are things people get.

You exit the room and walk downstairs. The smell of eggs and bacon and other food items wafting delicately to your heightened senses. You sit at the table and get your food. "Now Peter, did you wash your hands?" Asks an older woman who may actually be younger than you since, you know, you are a ghost and all. Wait. That's Aunt May, innit?

"Aunt May?" You ask stabbing into your food with a fork.

"Oh my peter. You sound just awful! I thought you looked a little under the weather yesterday but are you feeling okay?" The aunt asks.

Yeah, you know Aunt May. Aunt to Peter Parker, aka spider-man. Wait, we are Peter Parker now. Which means she is our aunt! And we are Spiderman! You know, the Ramones song? Is he strong, listen bud. He's got radioactive blood. "Can he swing from a thread? Take a look overhead. Look out! There goes the spider-man." You mumble in agreement.

Aunt may puts a hand to your forehead, your spirit soul parts evidently dense enough to deal with any continuity errors. "Oh dear, you feel a bit off." She says after taking her hand away. "Maybe you should rest for today." She says in an auntish way.

"No, no. Let me get some food and orange juice in me and we will see how I feel then." You mumble, trying to alter your voice till she stops looking at you strangely. "If it doesn't clear up I'll have a nice sit down." You explain. What? Chick no! Look, you displaced Spider-Man through what I am going to assume breaking fate too much. You have a power and a responsibility. Do you want your uncle to have died for nothing?

You take a nice long drink of orange juice as you lean back in your chair. "His uncle died, not mine." You point out. No, you took his place. That makes his uncle yours now. That is how it works.

You agree that his uncle is now yours since you are not as up to date on uncle mechanics as you could be. You think on that as Uncle Ben makes a quick move for some coffee. "Hey there Pete. Love to have breakfast May but I am going to be late." He explains rushing out the door.

"That is my dead uncle?" You ask watching him go. Yes. "He seems rather spry for a dead guy." You note. Well, I mean, so do you. "Point."

As you eat your Yank breakfast and curse the lack of proper tea a young girl walks over to the table still in pajamas. "That one is?" You ask looking up. No idea, she was not in my funny pages. One of the other sort probably knows her better.

The girl sits down and glances over to the news playing on the TV. More information about the Oscorp theft. A black Spider-Man was seen fighting crime downtown, further speculation about the appearance of superpowered individuals and armchair theorists discussing a "super powered arms race". All in all the general bickering you would expect. The girl next to you glances around with her eyebrows furrowed in confusion before looking at you. You look back at her with your best "What do you want?" Face and she seems to think something over before shrugging, evidently not able to place it.

You take a sniff of the air and catch the distinct scent of future. Well, unfuture to be precise. It has a sort of hum which smells a lot like grapes. Green grapes from the ash filled wastes of California to be exact. California is just awful. "Say, are you okay?' The young lady asks looking at you confused again.

"Peter isn't feeling too well Stella. Could you go get a thermometer from the pantry? I want to make sure he isn't getting a fever." May says. Stella's her name, got it.

You keep adding idle chatter to the breakfast table, keeping an eye on the reactions of the aunt until you are reasonably certain it is close enough to peter's real voice to keep people from asking question. Still sound like you drink tar recreationally though.

After assuring Aunt May that you are fine you follow the chemically acidic stench of peter to the basement. You take some scrounging but you manage to find his stuff and confirm that yes, you are spider-man now. You displaced him, it's your job. "Why do I get stuck with the shit job then?" You ask.

Fair question, let me ask you this then. If you took peter's place and he took yours, where do you think he is right about now? "Well, likely trapped before an onslaught of angels about to team up with the fallen angel of lust and sloth just before two or three apocalypses happen. Or eating potatoes. I am sure he will be fine." You say unconvincingly.

"I agree voices in my head who I decide to listen to. Today is a weird day, and something is off. I mean, I barely have an unfinished costume as is, but the city needs spider-man. Should I go in the half finished costume and stick with just pants or use something else. I should warn you ahead of time that my pants carry a folded pocket dimension I keep stuff in. I call it inventory." You explain with a small laugh

You look over the gear and gadgets available. "I also want to try web slinging because my blood is radioactive. How hard can it really be?" You ask.

You look at the unfinished suit and sigh sadly. "If only lads these days had drive and initiative to finish what they start! Well, I am a responsible adult so it's not like I can't help a lad out." You say. Actually he was possessed and had his body ravaged by a symbiote which-

"Wait!" You protest looking towards the basement door with a serious look. "I suddenly find myself unable to care."

Your arm splits like a horrible flower blooming and lashing tongues and twitching fingers shoot out. They grab the suit and start making modifications to the poor thing. Here and there gets ripped and replaced with thick X stitching which is imbued with unnatural power. You carve small sigils into the vest and they gain a level of lightness and strength from it. The mask is the worst part, but when you decide that you should make the kid cool you stitch the lenses in with those strange X patterned thick stitching and give the mouth a big scarecrow grin. You continue to patch up the suit like that, fixing parts which to the untrained eye may look finished but required a woman's touch. A woman ghost cat fox abomination's touch.

You nod satisfied at the outfit and store it in your inventory.

_GAIN: SPIDER ABOMINATION SUIT Magical bonuses against all damage, though wearing it is tiring for most._

You take a step out of the basement intent on fighting crime when you nearly barrel over that Stella Girl. She has her hand raised as if she were about to knock on the door and you just stop yourself centimeters from her.

"Hey Peter. Are you feeling okay? You shouldn't work too hard." She explains probingly.

Damn it, crime is afoot! I have no time for this!

So play it off? We play it off? I am the best at playing things off. We got this.

"Yes, of course! I was just tired. Had some OJ and now I am ready to go out into the town and do, you know, me things. Like eat junk food and listen to bad music." You explain slowly slipping by her, patting her on the head. "So, don't wait up. I am certainly not going to go and perform any acts of vigilantism."

She touches her head where you patted her and seems confused. Like when you hear an air conditioner since forever, but once it kicks off the silence is the only thing you notice. She reaches for her coat as you make your way to the door and moves to follow you.

"Well, two can play at this game." You think out loud as she is just behind you.

However she comes outside to an empty yard. The gentle sound of a bass cord being the only mention of your passing as you use your heightened powers to sonido which, oh not all of you know that. It's like, super speed for a brief moment. You vanish and such. You land on a rooftop, away from prying eyes and start putting on the costume. "Man, that was close. She almost figured out I was spider-man." You laugh a little. Actually she- Never mind.

You know people finding out you are spider-man isn't all bad. If a villain finds it and plans and is able to use it to harm peter's loved ones he gets bonuses. "Think that counts for me?" You ask putting the abomination suit over you and feeling the gentle hum of your energy. What? "I mean, I am of the villainous persuasion and I am pretty sure I might harm his loved ones for any number of reasons." You counter.

No. It only counts when you are not spider-man. "Bollocks" You complain looking around the downtown area. You spend a while looking, finally ending up at the docks. There, on a shipping container, you see several pounds of cocaine.

"That's a crime, right?" You ask pointing out the drugs. Yes Risa, drugs are a crime.

Looks like you might have the drop on them. Wait! We could web shoot them. Man, that would be so cool!

Alright, we are web shooting then. How hard can it be?

You thwip your webs, no wait. You shoot your teenaged invented sticky white stuff off a nearby building. Leaping from the top you let out a girlish scream as you fall, then shoot a second web towards the warehouse. It sticks on the roof and you pull, hoping to stop the ride, and in a way it does. You just also happen to slam into the building and what sounds like two wrecking balls colliding echoes through the harbor.

You have skin harder than steel, you are able to walk on air, and you have magical go fast techniques. How was that scary for you? "Something about webs." You explain pointing a finger at the drug runners. "Hey guys, don't you think there is enough snow on the ground?" Boo. "Fuck off, I normally just eat the bastards." You explain.

The runners pull their guns out and open fire almost at once. Luckily you were already diving behind a shipping container before they drew a good bead on you. Not that it would matter. "Look, we have to leave the city more or less intact for when the real spider-man comes out unless we get bored. Can't have people shooting at him just to find out if he is really bullet proof." Like that superman bloke.

"I will not apologize." You answer leaping over the crate.

You fire your webs at the men shooting at you and miss, bugger needs a laser sight on these or something for quick fire. You run forward at what you think is humanish speed and fire webs point blank at one of the gunman's hands. The gun gets all webbed up and the hammer can't go down so that is one problem down. You give him a gentle love tap to the chest and he goes flying back, slamming into their truck and making a dent in the side, two of the wheels going off the ground. "Oops."

Actually, laser sights would make quick firing easier. Someone make a note of that for the other guy. You fire more webs, aiming for the ground around the second gunman. He gets caught while trying to back away and trips, hitting the ground right on his chin. You kick his gun away before ducking behind the dented truck. "Geez, I really should consider bringing back up. Say, one of you mind coming over here so it can be an even two vs two? That seems fair." You ask. They do not comply.

They run inside the warehouse in fact and continue firing as they shut the door. "Man, what the hell does he want from us?" One of them asks in Spanish. Oh yeah, I translate everything for you ever.

"I dunno, think he wants the coke?" Yes, but spider-man does not.

"Hey! Spider-Homie! You let us go you can have the whole truck!" One of the men shouts and you think over the offer.

You do like coke. But you are spiderman.

You don't fall to bribery so easily. You lash out with your suit, small razor like nails poking out of the ends and you slice open the coke. It spills out and you form it into a nice neat little pile. You hear the dealers talking in Spanish, wondering what it is you are doing.

So you show them. You lift up the mask, like you were going to kiss Tobey Maguire before he was awful and fall face first into the coke. You exhale once and mutate your internal systems so it becomes infinitely more efficient. You inhale deeply, consuming all of the coke in a single sitting and letting your body process it and then expunge it using your soul disposal system. You are the best at super heroing. You rub your nose before looking back at the warehouse, your little pick-me-up making you super stoked for this.

You coat your arms in raw spiritual power, a hissing violet light which seems to overwrite the daylight. You charge the warehouse and smash the wall in. "Ha ha ha! Spider-Man!" You shout firing webs at the dealers.

They fire at you, but with coke in your system you are fairly certain spider-man can dodge bullets. "Spider-Man!" You shout once more, laughing a throaty laugh as your intestines grow eyes for a second before remembering it isn't their work day. Unions.

You leap forward and knee one in the groin region and throw him at his comrades, slamming them together before webbing them together. You laser the words "Spider-Man" into the ground before webbing out of there, sure the cops will arrive because you are from 1998 and what is a cell phone?

Man, you are awesome at this hero thing. But wait! There in the distance. Something feels like your teeth are humming together and you don't like that much. A super powered magician do well?

Check it out?

Yes. We don't like magic people much other than us.

Okay magic man. Teach me your secrets.

You websling through the city, time changing frequencies to- wait what? "Oh yeah. Time isn't a stream or a flow." You explain hopping from rooftop to rooftop. "It's more like a big orb with squiggly bits in it and it all sort of hums you see." You say.

What? "Really. Look." You explain stopping for a moment and humming, pouring your go-juice out through your tail. All around you, it feels as if a quake suddenly started but in a direction not in the third. Nothing move, yet you are still acutely aware of the shake. You stop after a moment and nod. "Time quake. You can make a really nice one if you get a good falsetto in the wings." You explain hopping over the streets and curbs.

You land on the rooftop overlooking the strange energy reading and find several small demonic looking things which smell of nightmares and hate. Stopping them is a man with grey hair and sort of an ugly outfit. Who the hell does this wanker think he is? He looks up at you and holds out his hand. "Stay back spider-man! These foes are from the dark realm, beyond mortal kind's understanding! Should they get a hold of you they will turn your greatest fears into food and use it to gain a grip in this world! Fear not, I Doctor Strange, am more than magically capable of handling these beasts!" The man, Doctor Strange, yells at you.

I wonder if they know Caede? "That might be quite nice, wouldn't it? We should eat him and-" Hey! No, remember? Being a hero? "But he might give me powers!" You protest weakly, sulking a little. Risa, what would The Doctor do?

You grumble a non-answer as you kick the ground idly.

You leap down to help Doctor Strangelove. Yeah, that's his name now. You land on the ground and immediately the demons charge at you. You keep your witty recourse, though it eventually turns into colorful British slang regarding their parentage but you manage to keep it sort of witty and that counts right?

You fire your web shooters at one of the demons, catching and holding them for a second before giving a gentle kick to another one of them. The kick makes them step back and you applaud your self-control until a massive axe slams into your face and sends you spinning back.

It hurts, a little, but you regularly feel more pain when you recreationally torture yourself. Maybe you should see a shrink? "Foolish mortal! You stand before Nyx'thilebane! Have you chosen the nightmare you shall feed me?!" He demands launching himself at you.

You push yourself off the ground, your gravitational manipulation making it look like you put way more force into it than you did and you take a few steps back. "Say, er, Nyxy? You wouldn't happen to know Caede would you? Hell Knight, former scion of Beelzebub, lord of flies?" You ask and he lets out a roar as he swings his axe again.

You side step, but a spray of acid gets all over your new suit! Your magic enchantments seem to have held however and you web his axe to the ground. You run over to his axe and leap off of it, performing and acrobatic kick to his face and making a comment about his breath stinking. He takes a step back and the throws a punch. You glance to strange and note he is busy with the other scrubs so you hold up your hand coated with a small orb of violet energy.

His fist stops as it collides with it, but he continues pushing at the raw soul energy you hold. "Foolish magician! I am Nyx'thilebane! I slew countless in the wars of hell! I shall stand beside the darkchild as she rides with pandora's forces against the darkest darkness! I walked in shadows you would not have dared dream of! Fear me! I am Nyx'thilebane! Devourer of all Midnight!" He proclaims and you smile.

"Fear me. I am Risa," You reply twisting your hand to the side and bringing his arm down with it. "Breaker of Fate." You say before letting out a massive burst of your raw power as you collide your fist with his disgusting face.

He goes wide eyes as the gravity aided blow, combined with your supernatural strength, crush his face in. Then sinks into his body. Then further. His back explodes as goopy acidic entrails fall to the ground and start burning holes into the stone.

Strange, too busy with the last of his scrubs, doesn't notice you are where the power surge came from, though he no doubt felt it. You help him finish up the rest of the scrubs, their moral low due to the destruction of their leader. Strange looks at the remains of the beast and strokes his beard. "Not bad Spider-Man! You are no Sorcerer, and I could have certainly taken him. I just hope fighting with me was able to teach you something useful! Here, would you like an autograph?" He asks pulling out a signed photo.

"By the way, what was that surge of power before?" He wonders partially to himself.

Silver tongued peter! Oh wait, we are not peter. We just play him to his closest loved ones in a horrible deception.

"A phenomenally powerful cosmic abomination who delights itself in crushing lesser things for the pure joy of joy" You explain putting the photo in your pants, for peter to have later. "Exists in a space between spaces. Really, more like a rapidly vibrating cosmic wavelength or fact. Goes by 'The Laughing Genocide.' 'Breaker of Fate' 'Violet Death' and 'Mercedes' when they were trying to pay their way through grad school." You explain.

He believes you! But…

"You have quite the imagination young man! But still, such a possibility could happen. Yes. Something beyond what mortals like you could understand. I am certain you have questions about this event, please do not hesitate to call my office and schedule an appointment so I can explain the mysteries of the cosmos to you! I will even give you a discount." He explains crossing his arms and laughing.

You punched the cosmos to get a plant back, who does he think he is talking to? "Spider-Man." You answer. Oh yeah, right. "Of course! And I am Doctor Steven Strange! I am certain you have seen me on TV before." He shakes your hand, palming his card into yours while he does so; your strange creepy suit with some pretty bitchin stats not scaring him.

"Now if you excuse me, the Astral Plane awaits me!" He shouts saying some weird words and popping out of the world in a teleport spell.

You put his card in your pants for peter too. He can deal with all the crazies. Still it is afternoon and there is time before you have to go back home and pretend to be peter unless… could you have a slumber party? Are those things teenaged boys have? Who knows?

You swing through the streets, your spiderness being, well, more catlike than you might like to admit. "That doesn't mean anything." No but it sounds good. You are about to go back to the place you call Peter's place when a stream of water slams into you and you go spinning into the ground. You hit the ground hard and get up to see a man with water coming out of him?

"That certainly is lazy character design." You note.

The man, made of water like some sort of water man, or aqua dude, stands tall as he looks at you. "This kiss is going to make me Big!" He shouts firing an orb of water at you, locking it around your head. "Yeah, stay like that and drown, spider freak!"

I almost don't have the heart to tell him we don't actually breathe. Should, you think we should maybe just go down to help the guy out? That is a pretty lame power. Turning into water. I feel a little bad actually. He is like the special needs kid of scrubby powers. At least Shiba can sort of use more than just water and use gems and stuff. Plus she is a werewolf and that counts for a lot.

"That's right, I am going to make it big! The whole world will know the name Hydro-Man!" He explains and you have a giggle. "You laughing at me? Take this, my whole power going to-" He starts but never finishes as he suddenly is under the gravity of four earths.

The water around your head splashes heavily to the ground as he struggles to maintain form. "Wh-what did you do to me?" He asks and you frown.

"First you have to answer my question. I saw you sort of threw your water at me, and I also noticed most of your lower body happens to be the same water you throw around. I just; okay look be straight with me. Was that your boy parts?" You wonder and he seems flabbergasted. "Because if it was, that's okay, but I need to know this to decide if I just brush my teeth tonight or just blast the whole damn thing off and grow a new one. Also, if it was your boy parts, I was less than impressed. I mean, you hear about flaccidness and all that but that was really impressive."

"You little shit. When I get off of here I am going to kill you." He swears and struggles to move after you, his body changing to liquid and creeping over to you.

"Yeah, sorry. Already dead. Dead and a ghost. Dead and a ghost who killed itself to become a cat monster ghost who became a super ghost who then became a more super ghost, then got erased from time and can still brew a damn fine cuppa." You explain ticking all the things off that you are. "Also British."

"The hell are you talking about?" He demands as you warp the gravity around him so he is the center of his water.

"I just feel the need to share you know. I am heavily dosing you with my power which, unfortunately, has the side effect of making you crazy. You probably won't remember this but I am sort of a sharer. I like to share. Except when I don't. Then I get murderous." You explain reaching out with your electricity and making a terribly easy path for current to go through from the transformer box to the man lying there. "If your body turns into liquid you should have impurities. I mean, if you are 100% pure water won't my face be red. It probably won't but it is something people say." You explain breaking the container and letting the electricity flow.

You make yourself not particularly easy to go through, but the nice train you made into the hydro-man, ha, makes it terrifically simple to get where they want to go. He screams as the insanity poison leaks into him and the electricity breaks apart his molecular stability. He scatters everywhere, and does not reform.  
You place your hands on your hips and say "I guess that would explain why those appliances have all those warning labels." You explain to the small crowd that has gathered.

You stand there waiting for a laugh that will never come then shout "Spider-Man!" before thwipping out of sight and sonidoing back to your place. You change clothes, much like a grown up might and walk into the home of the Parker family and ghost. "Good evening everybody! How might you be- that is a very large weapon for a young lady like you to have." You point out to the young lady who is pointing a sword at you. Stella?

"Here's the thing. I can't hurt my big brother. I can't even physically try to hurt him because of the way I am. I knew something was off about you all day. Like a big security blanket has been pulled away from me. Then I see the reports and- Who are you? Where's peter?" She asks and you tap your peter chin in a peter manner.

"I am, well. Risa Schrodinger. British punk rock suicide ghost who became a cat ghost, then became a tall ghost, then a shorter ghost, then a personish ghost, then a person ghost again which doesn't make much sense. Then I ate a piece of an old one so I am a bit of a youngish one." You explain as she holds her blade to you. "Come on, do you have to be all pointy at me? Look, I fixed peter's costume, which was in awful condition by the way. Had no zazz, then I went and fought crime in his place." You explain.

She keeps a steady gaze at you, while you just give a gentle smile and tilt your head, more amused by her than anything. "You look like him. Why do you look like him?" She demands.

"Oh, shapeshifting. I don't use it much these days because I am so terribly lovely but it does have its uses." You explain.

She continues staring at you. She has no idea what sort of thing you are, and you are fine to allow her the little moment of bravery. It is easier than dealing with the terror that is you. Finally she glances towards the window and then back to you. "Change back. I don't want to think of hurting my brother, so change back and then maybe we can talk."

You sigh and feel your body snapping and creaking. Short brown hair gives way to long violet hues. Your legs stretch, while you grow taller. Your shit exposes your midriff as your chest comes back and you feel your body gain those good features peter couldn't enjoy. Then, of course come your eyes. Marked with insanity and barely contained glee at your situation. You put your hand on your hip and give a smile you are sure your mask is conveying. "Better gum drop?" You ask, your british back.

"You stole his clothes and his uniform." She points out unhappily.

"Borrowed." You correct vanishing in an instant and appearing behind her. She tries to turn but you wrap your arms around her in a mocking parody of affection or a caress. "And with every intention of returning." You explain. You take a deep sniff of the girl, the strange vibrating grape smell of an unfuture filling your nose.

"You modified it." She says trying to keep an easy voice, but you can tell you unnerve her. I can't imagine why.

You let out a throaty laugh for a few seconds before you mask parts and your long tongue coils out and goes under her chin to the other side of her face. "Yes, but I am a pretty lass. Boys like the smell of pretty lasses and he is a teenager. I am sure he won't mind too much." You explain and narrow your eyes. "I remember a smell on you. The smell I smell when I look to disappointment, I mean, Ryouichi, or just so slightly on the quincies." You mutter, debating if you should think it through of just destroy her for making you remember Ryoubitchy.

"Where is Peter?" She demands, concern for her brother taking priority over all else.

You let her go and retract your tongue. You give her a small push forward and she nearly stumbles but some innate ability makes her stop and turn back to face you. "Well, if I am here I am pretty sure he fell through where I was. Don't worry too much about it, time has a funny little way of fixing itself. Paradoxes resolve themselves you see, by and large anyway." You answer.

She narrows her gave then wipes her cheek and ears of your saliva. "Is he safe?"

You shrug. "I suppose that, as a general rule, depends on what happened. I was sitting in a church eating potatoes with a plant. Do tell, can you think of any reason he would be in danger from a church of Mormons?" You ask. Well, there were also the angels. "Shh, monologue I am talking."

"No. I can't see him angering anyone that way." She explains.

You clap your hands. "Then as long as he stays on the right side of the US government he should have no issues! I will even leave him this suit assuming the time convergence doesn't erase the bloody thing." You offer.

"You still lied to aunt may and uncle ben." She protests.

"I was hungry. Besides, we can't have them thinking their nephew is off in other time. They already have so much to worry about with Uncle Ben a ghost." You explain.

"Uncle Ben isn't a ghost. I can see him. I can touch him." The little person points out.

"And I just got finished licking you and we already established I am a ghost. Now shall I peter parker back up? I have, legs hips, tits, and ass and peter has none of those things so this is uncomfortable." You explain.

She chews on her lip for a second before nodding and your body pops back into place. You look in one of the spider pockets "Those are regular pockets" and feel a vibrating device. You open it and see the name "Gwen Stacy"

"Tell her you are busy and hang up." Little person says.

You push the talk button and clear your throat, your actually very beautiful voice, or maybe a voice you stole, acting in stark contrast to your current form. "Sorry love, can't talk now. I did so much cocaine. Literally a truck full. An entire truck. Of. Cocaine." You explain, as best you can, putting your foot up to stop the little thing from jumping for your phone. Yes, it is your phone now, that is how law works.

"What? Who is this?" The Gwen creature asks.

"Cocaine. I did a truck full of it and fought crime today. Sorry, can't hear you too much cocaine." You explain then hang up. You grab the small thing's head and shake her back and forth. "See? I kept it short. She was all a twitter about something but I did not budge." You tell the small thing which tastes of grapes. Do you like grapes?

You agree you do as the small one take the phone from you, you crouch down and stick your tongue in her ear. She shivers and makes a strange sort of shiver before swiping at you. Were you a weak person that might actually do some damage, but you slide under the strike like an eel while grabbing the phone back.

You lick your lips as you roll backwards and think. "Yep. Loki. You taste like Loki. I can taste another man on you!" You point out and mock weep.

"You are a pervert." Stella says and you tsk her while wagging your finger.

"Let me tell you a lesson in life, little murder molly. One, it doesn't count if a girl does it much less a pretty girl. Grow up to be beautiful and you can literally get away with murder. Two, I have no sex drive so the very worst I can be is just weird. Which coming from someone who is from untime because Loki and lives with spider-man means nothing. You have no frame of reference to judge me." You explain putting your foot up on the coffee table. "I am untouchable."

"So you are just going to sit down and act nice until peter gets back, right?" She asks and you smile.

"You are quite fun to bother, you know." You say shifting into your Risa form once more and crawling over to her like a cat.

"You are- this is weird." She protests backing away and swinging her sword towards you.

You dodge, your unnatural speed making it easy to keep away from her slices when compared to others you have faces. You step in front of her then dream walk behind you. You grab hold of the small thing and put a foot on her hand keeping her sword down. She looks back at you, trying to calculate the ways she could get out but once more your arms wrap around her. "You know what your problem is? You don't have enough fun. Life, my dear girl, is all about maximizing what you enjoy and minimizing what you don't. An almost utilitarian approach to hedonism but without the messy nonsense of morality."

"Peter would say that's wrong." She explains as your eyes shift to take in the different spectrums above and below visible light.

"No such thing as wrong. Just what is good and what is not. Cut the fat, make your life grand. Here, let me show you." You explain, your long tongue flicking out and sending in waves of madness flecked with the slightest tingle of electricity to corrupt her, fully aware of her mind's one weak link. The link she values so much and will do anything for. She stiffens as your tongue-

**AzureEarth:**Ten minutes past april 1? Well we can't have that. Threads over for now thanks for playing.

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**End**

**To Be continued…**

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**Please Review**

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**Publiser's Note:** Anyways, next chapter will be following Peter and his journey in Risa's world.


	2. Enter Peter Benjamin Parker

**Chapter 2**

**Enter Peter Benjamin Parker**

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**Last time,** you'd worked on your suit and completed all but the headset before inevitably giving in to the urges of sleep. Heading to bed, you have many problems left untouched and more that still need to be resolved.

Currently, you are in the deep unconsciousness of dreaming, listening to my wonder tone.

Wait, since we're doing this like this, I almost think you need a helping hand, or else I think you're right and properly fucked, especially considering you're a yank, and the folks here don't take kindly to yanks and their goddamned space satellite lasers.

_…is someone there?_

Ellipses, huh? Well, I know how to ignore those. Furthermore you're from the year… 2014? Well, let's take a look and see how things go a fair bit in the fut-

What have they done to you Peter? They let a fat walrus bastard wear your skin like a suit and ruin your life- which is something Risa would probably do and enjoy it, but it's the principle of the thing, really. And yes, you've got a voice in your head Peter, so you'd better listen up.

"What's going on?" you mutter in confusion. Well, to be honest, you're not going to be able to resolve those plots, Peter. You're dealing with the like of things that would make Harry wet his knickers in joy, but he's an asshole so you shouldn't think of the prick.

Now, that said, as you wake up, you will deal with some minor issues. Like replacing a psychopathic killer in the midst of her closest friends.

Oh, and you're barely superhuman as how you are now, so you might want to run. Just saying. But play it cool first.

Alright, you'll be resuming thing in three… two… one…

Action!

Opening your eyes you look around nervously, as if awaking from a terrible nightmare that is actually really happening.

Like those dreams where you're giving a presentation to the class but realize you aren't wearing anything. And then the audience is angry bears trying to maul you. Actually, stop thinking of bears, just to be safe.

Also, you might want to run because you'll probably be killed by angels due to your spider-powers. Wish you hadn't read The Other now, huh?

_What. WHAT._

So, you're sitting down, with a bunch of crunchy potatoes and a plant next to you when everything starts to get quiet and… man, its cool to be able to say it- You're Spider-sense is tingling. Yes, this is great. Well, not for you obviously. You should probably do something about this.

Next to you is a pink-haired person, yes really, in girlish clothes, like something out of Harry's Japanese animus.

Act Calm, Peter. Act like you're Risa. You should probably start talking to yourself, just to be safe. But calmly be calm. Calmly.

You think to yourself as to how it doesn't make sense, but so does hearing me narrate everything, so its all cool. But seriously, stay calm. Everyone's gotten deathly quiet, not a good sign. Those aren't normal people. And tensions are about to break.

_…who's there?_

Great ellipses is back, but you're probably not even aware of him. Her. Androgynous italic text. Regardless, that's something you should get looked at. Now, calmly talk to this inner-monologue. Now.

"What?" You say as you feel your spider-sense both calm and heighten at the same time as you can't necessarily understand the ways you'd probably die. Getting up, you notice as the pink haired… girl? Risa usually takes over with her madness at this point watches you carefully as you take the remains of food on your tray and dispose of them before-

Peter. PETER. Calm breaths. Calm. Think of Felicia's butt. You're better than Risa in this aspect, and you've nourished my soul if I have one. So continue outside, close the door.

_Nearby langue isn't English, but rather Japanese, perhaps?_

Yes, we get it, you know things italic text. shuttup and stop stealing my spotlight.

Leaning against the doors, you take a deep breath. And another.

RUN. Run you fool. Run like Queseda is ruining your marriage with Mary Jane Watson again! Your brow contorts as you try to piece that together, as I realize and synchronize to you to better help you. The memory of feeling up Felicia helps sooth my mental pains, even if she's a different kind of build, she's still got a great butt.

Wow.

Um, sucks to be you right now though. I'm not sure how much I'm supposed to help you, really. Telling you what Risa's up to probably won't help. But then again, unlike her you don't have an inventory, so you might want to get some gear.

What should we do, Pete?

Look, you're in the year nineteen-ninety-seven. Or eight. Regardless, your phone if you had it probably wouldn't work. But, more importantly, you've got no gear. Take a lesson from Stark. Rebuild everything like he did.

In a cave.

WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS!

"Why do I feel like I should wipe spittle from my face?" You sigh as you mentally put together a list of things to do. Not enough time, not enough money, not enough knowing what the fuck's going on. Also, you should be careful, Lucifer might move on you since you're not exactly covered.

Lucifer? Like the devil? That Lucifer. Yeah, him and a bunch of others see- Like the bitch she can be Risa kinda screwed him by- whoops. That's telling. Regardless, watch your back.

With the slight sound of Static, you turn to see the androgynous boy? Girl? Blink at you, a bag of things held in her hands as words in a language you can't possibly understand spew out. What? You're a nerd and you don't know Japanese? In 2014? You're as bad as that girl from the comic Risa reads sometimes about lesbians. Rena, I think.

_Working on problem as we speak. I plan to expel you and return things to their natural order, hellish voice._

Same to you italic text, you cunt.

"Sugoi, Onii-ch-(inaudible static)- Are you understanding what I am saying?"

The girl's random gibberish with a bright, little-sister like tone become understandable to your ears as you give a guilty grin. "Could you repeat that, maybe?"

The girl? gives a sigh filled with sugary-sweetness as you feel yourself consider that you might've gotten diabetes by listening to it. "As I was saying, there's been a bunch of strains in the cracks of reality, so it isn't surprising you've been temporarily replaced, taking Risa's place. But, like you thought about, I got the things you needed, big bro~"

Ugh, my kidneys failing. How are you immune to this? Are you one of those sis-complexes? You sick fuck. "WHAT?! No!"

Pausing, you apologize to the girl who looks nonplussed, as a quiet emotionless voice comes from her. "It is no problem. I have gotten used to it by now."

Poor girl. Regardless, you should get to work on being Spider-man (Impromptu).

Spending time putting parts and pieces together, you jury rig a costume together. Its not a spider-man costume sadly, but it just works. When you look to see how much time you've spent, it seems like that you've spent no time at all.

When you try to talk to your companion, other than her, or his, considering the voice that comes out a few times, short comments there's not a lot of input. Ask her name. "So, um what's your name?"

"[Inaudible]"

Her? Mouth opens as nearby a chainsaw comes to life cutting of your ability to hear her. When you ask again, street construction starts. When you try it a third time, some punks in a very nineties car with blaring music with a way too loud base start up as you remember how much a lot of nineties music sucked. Music from 2000 and 2010 sucked too, but it feels easy to hate the nineties somehow.

Regardless, you should realize this is a gag you will never get an answer to. Risa won't allow it.

Still, you've gotten the [Amazing Bag-Man costume] and [incredibly shoddy webshooters and web fluid] at least…

As you let out a sigh of relief, you try on the incredibly snug outfit and bag mask as you head movement around you, outside. Peering out, you see armed men with guns point at the abandoned building you're in. Yes, that's where you've been.

A grave, rattling voice echoes from beside you. [Let me kill them, Onii-chan~] You see the unchanged expression from the girl, but there's a pressure here that's unreal.

"You can take them down, but don't kill them. Only incapacitate."

[Understood!]

And in a burst of static she's gone as you see that each and every armed man is systematically sent flying with a flurry of red energy balls. You see them groaning, so they're probably fine?

Look, honestly Pete, it'd be better to take them out. They're a bunch of Yank bastards who- oh right. Sorry, I forgot. Well, I forgive you for being one, you can't help i…

_ssshhhhh. No dreams. Only silence now._

Pausing, you notice that you mind has gone back to being quiet as you head outside and talk to the girl. The lad is looking up and then you notice it- the insane cowboy laughter that is engulfing the area along with a whistling noise.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!"

You feel your Spider-sense going crazy as you think you should probably run,did you really make me use ellipses you cunt? I'll smack u in the gob i will, you cheeky bitch.

"Really, right now of all times?!"

Oh- right. You realize you should run. No seriously, run. If that's not a space laser, then its probably a nuke.

"REEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGAAAAAAAAANOOOOOOOOOMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICS!"

Quickly constructing a makeshift slingshot, you quickly calculate the amount of force and strength needed as you grab the girl and slingshot your way out. If memory serves, it would already detonated if it was a nuke and a laser would have some sort of prior notice- like someone would've probably had to paint a target?

So, therefore, if things are a ridiculous as they fear, and yes they probably are man, then it's going to be an explosion that gets attention. Furthermore, if these men were connected it'd probably be something to not kill one's own men.

Right?

Oh, Peter, you sweet summer child. Also, watch out for that building. Extending an arm you begin to catch building and use the right parts of web slinging to slow your velocity as the explosion occurs behind where you were.

Oh, and that school had gotten so much work done on it, too. Slowing yourself enough, you set the girl on the ground as you take a deep breath.

Also, they probably noticed a new being unprotected by others with a connection to a god show up and feared it was Risa going more insanely powerful.

Stupid sense of power and responsibility. This is the sort of thing that gets you killed in an alternate universe by strange psychopaths. Woah, hey now, you can't just say that. Think of how you'd make your dead parents feel, or Uncle Ben. This sort of response is what makes you get him killed, Peter. Don't be a whiny bitch like Ryouichi.

Seriously.

Sighing, you head into the ruined areas as you see in the remains of the school, there is a man brushing off his pristine suit before he turns and smiles.

Jesus christ, its Ronald Reagan. Honestly? I've got nothing. You're right and proper fucked.

The president approaches, extending a hand talking in your Yank bastardization of the Queen's right and proper Enligh. "Greetings, son. You look like you're in a bit of trouble. Why don't you let me help you?"

He gives you an award winning smile, his hand extended as you feel a patriotic vibe come from, this man, reminding you of trickle down economics, gun-ownership laws, freedom, bald eagles and good-old-fashioned fresh baked apple pie.

"I'm Ronald Reagan, and together you and I can change the world."

Man, don't shake hands with Reagan, you know what he does. He's a shit that ruined everything for everyone. He's literally too good to be true and he arrived via either space laser or bomb. He'll rek u m8. Peter, I know I've been an asshole, but don't shake his hands.

Think about what's at stake!

You might lose these hands that have caressed that fine butt of Felicia!

Gritting your teeth under your bag, you stupidly step forward as you feel slightly unnerved as Reagan smiles peacefully and patriotically. Its almost like you can see the goddamn American flag flying behind him. You ignore me, it seems.

Any right Brit would punch him in his gob. I'll let you be an honorary Brit, I will. I swear on me mum.

"That's it, son. Think of what we could achieve."

Stepping forward, you move to reach Reagan's hand before your Spider-sense blares.

Told you.

Yanking your hand back, you step back as Reagan's hand moves to where yours had been. Looking down at his empty hand, the President shakes his head. Looking at you with something akin to pity, he looks at where your eyes holes are. Creepy bastard.

"Son, I don't think you understand the state of this world. It is coming to an end. That's why every God loving US citizen should do what they can for their country."

Brushing off his hands, he shakes his head in disappointment. "You don't understand what you hold, so you should let me help you. Together we can save the future! Come on, son. Don't you love your country?"

He gives you an imploring look as you stoically keep your distance. Giving a sigh of regret Ronald Reagan's face grows incredibly unpleasant.

"This is why youth is wasted on the young. You all waste your lives when you could be spending it to further the American cause. But, if you won't cooperate, I suppose I'll just have to take a terrorist like you down and bring you in by force!"

Scowling, he takes on a boxer's pose before he's suddenly in your face, fist swinging forward! Jesus christ, when did Reagan git gud?

Bringing up your hand, you catch his fist as you put your efforts into stopping him- his fist in your iron vise of a grip. Staring at him, eye to eye, you growl out a question.

"How many people did you just KILL?!"

Your eyes narrow as Reagan shrugs. "Kill? Son, unless its an American live, all casualties are acceptable considering the circumstances. You can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs!"

He brings up his other fist as you catch that, too, your body straining as he tries to push the advantage. This guy… This guy…. THIS GUY!

Hey, enough with the damned ellipses already, would you? Its damned embarrassing to be seen with someone who does that! Well so long as it isn't Mah Sin-Fin!

_Found it_

So, this is the cause of your hesitation, huh? Watch out fight, emergency dive into thoughts. Hey, italic text, nice butt. Regardless, the memories swirl into sepia tone as you see well, you, at a young age crying a some redhaired shit of a kid is laughing over you as you cry, clutching at your legs, your torso hurting.

As she walked off and out of your life, you couldn't understand why she's gotten so mean. It hurt badly, didn't it? That day, you never wanted to be that kind of person- someone who could hurt others.

But, today? You need to stand up. You can't keep people from being hurt if you just keep holding yourself back. Peter Parker, you have the power to make a difference today, so you have the responsibility of doing so to the best of your ability!

And seriously? He's a real shit, he is. Punch his lights in, kick his presidential ass! Do it for Queen and Country- whoops, sorry keep forgetting you're actually a Yank. Well, do it for Ol' Lady Liberty and Lincoln on his Copper throne. More importantly, do it for Aunt May and Uncle Ben.

_Do it for yourself._

Breathing raggedly, you slump as Reagan looks somewhat relieved. "That it? Have you finally given up fighting against me and America, son?"

"You know, I think I've finally realized what kind of man you are, Mister President. I was wrong about you. You're not a good leader, at all. You're just a psychopath who had no sense of Economics!"

Headbutting him, you send him reeling backwards before following up with a punishing assault of blows, as you keep knocking him back with a strength you never knew you had. Reagan stares at you with a bloody nose as he tears off his jacket and jams something into his arm as his muscles swell, shirt ripping into shreds as a pressure begins to crush down on you!

"Fuck it, I'm going to beat you until you're Red, White and Blue!"

With an extension of your webbing, you pull yourself toward him with a blow to his gut, which doubles him over.

"You don't know a damn thing about America! It was a country founded by people the world over!"

Slamming your bagged head forward, you head butt him again as you move in to continue your assault. "it's a land of tolerance, of acceptance. Of freedom where a man can say what he wants and can be protected!"

Pummeling his gut with a flurry of blows, you lead into a sickening uppercut which knocks him flying back through several ruined walls.

"People like you are the reason that America is in decline! You should go and stay gone!"

Grabbing his legs via webbing you start spinning him until you have enough strength to send him flying into the sky. "Forever!"

Looking to where you threw him, you can't even see where his flying body is anymore. Sitting down on a chair you salvage from the rubble, you let out a groan. Trying to relax, you hear a voice checkle before breaking out into rhyme.

"Oh what wicked webs we weave,  
What I see I can barely believe.  
A hero in an infamous replacement for his one of blue and red  
It is really a shame that he will soon be dead.  
But, until that moment perhaps I'll take more than just a glance  
So, Mister Spider-man, shall we dance?"

Oh shit not this fucker. Watch your ass. Literally. Also, your spider-sense is tingling.

You feel that something is there, watching you like a cruel predator. Moving into Strike with a poison deadly and lasting. You feel something in your heart thump, painfully as you dodge to the side as you feel the air displace from where you just were.

_Thump. Thump. THUMP._

You can feel something moving, you can feel yourself being watched as a figure begins to appear like a wraith even as it feels like your heart's got a mind of its own.

Forcing your eyes open you see-

**Cosgrove**: Well, that's all they wrote folks. Hope you enjoyed what little I managed to run tonight, but it is late and I must do things before I sleep.

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**_End_**

**_Or To Be Continued…?_**

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**_Please Review_**


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